Rando Calrissian #37
Life During Star Wars, The Dumbest Empire, Dancing Instead of Screaming
Do not miss my friend John DeVore’s sparkling remembrance/essay called Life During Star Wars. Anyone who reads Ahch-To Baby should read him, because he’s a mensch, and a soulful human being, and a world-class writer about just about anything.
While you’re at it, subscribe to John’s perfect Substack, where he writes 150 Word Reviews of new movies and popular culture. I love this man, and you will too.
Warning: if you’ve had it up to here with politics, feel free to skip the below.
While the Trump Administration is deporting children with cancer, announcing a proposed budget that destroys the domestic infrastructure while increased military spending despite us being, last time I checked, not at war; and guts the NEA (my feeds are filled with people getting their grants slashed, including a friend of mine who got $10,000 for a weekly after school arts program); and says he believes due process just doesn’t fit into his, you know, fucking schedule; he’s bothered to post some bullshit distractions like dressing himself up as the Pope and this beauty.
Look, I know this is nothing. He’s a child. The man is the President of the United States, and he’s defined the role down into being a know-nothing position of pure ick. He’s a sexist, felon, rapist, racist, criminal and a dolt; propped up by people who should be even more ashamed of themselves. I want to say that the people who voted for him are getting what they deserve (2 dolls for your kids, all the dolls for his own); but really, the rest of us are getting what they deserve for voting for him. So thanks.
But, as this is a Star Wars Substack, he’s tripped into my lane. So let me unpack just how fucking idiotic it is for him to post a picture of himself holding a red lightsaber (I mean, come on) and wearing a dark black robe (and a second lightsaber on his belt, because AI art is almost as stupid as he is) as he claims the Radical Left Lunatics (that’s me, hi! I like health care and don’t like racism, sorry if that makes me radical, you fetid meme coin garbage can) are the real Empire.
It’s been hilarious watching White Christian (not really Christian, though) Rich Guys claim to be victims so hard they think they’re the Rebels. You poor deluded dorks. You’re the fucking majority! And the fact that you might have to share the cultural narrative with someone else has made you panic so much that you’re trying use erasers on all the Black people in the history books and firing everyone who knows how to do their job. America: it was fun while it lasted.
So! Let’s break down a little bit of what The Empire does in Star Wars, shall we?
commits to a massive build up of world-killing weapons (Death Star / Reagan Administration)
creates a fake war in order to claim power (Clone War / Bush Administration)
over-polices the border (Solo / Trump Administration)
takes bribes (Solo / Trump Administration)
declares Emergency Powers in order to remove its obligation to follow the law (Episodes II + III; Trump and Bush Administration)
claims that unlimited power is a good unto itself (Prequel Trilogy/Trump’s entire fucking life)
calls the defenders of freedom traitors (Order 66; Trump vilifying the legal system, higher education, the arts, people of color, LGBTQ+ people, and anyone else who is a threat to his worldview)
vilifies migrants (Andor/Trump Administration)
disappears people without due process (Andor/Trump Administration
houses people in prisons far away from their homes without access to legal representation (Andor / Bush Administration, Trump Administration)
uses fake numbers create the illusion of a crime wave in order to justify its militarism (Andor / Trump Administration)
uses a trade dispute to start a war of choice (Episode I / Trump)
cosplaying Nazis by kind of dressing up like them and bringing back stuff we all were very happy to be rid of the first time (First Order/MAGA movement)
is run by a decrepit seemingly impossible-to-defeat hideous, though vain, creep whose kink is making people just as evil as he is (need I say more?)
I mean, the only reason this metaphor falls apart is because Emperor Palpatine is a mastermind and Trump just golfs while other people bring him shit to sign. He has no goals other than annoying everyone, avoiding prison, pleasing Putin, and being personally rich while destroying the economy because he doesn’t know how it works. The rest he gets from Fox News, which is his entire worldview, like that uncle you dread seeing at Thanksgiving.
Okay!
I’ve popped off.
Here’s something appropriately cathartic, one hour of Mon Mothma dancing so she doesn’t scream.
Now, I’ll get back to my regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for your patience, fellow Jedi!
A write up of Tales of the Underworld is coming soon!