Best Star Treks, Ranked

It's that time of year again!

Star Trek is the best of Star Related Content, because it’s not woke.

Here are the best of Trks put on the big screen, definitively ranked, by me, expert in Star Trek. (Yes, the movies aren’t the definitive thing about Star Trek but if you want me to rank the 178 episodes of TNG you’re going to have to subscribe, because I don’t work that hard for free.)

14. Star Trek Section 31

Question: Who would win a fight between Michelle Yeogh and the color magenta? Answer: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

13. Star Trek V The Final Frontier

Question: who would win in a fight between Kirk and God? Answer: (Points to self) Not This Guy

12. Star Trek Nemesis

Question: Who would win a fight between Tom Hardy and Jean Luc Picard, if Tom Hardy’s hands were tied behind his back (not allowed to use grumbly voice). Answer: Tom… Hardly.

11. Star Trek Insurrection

Question: Who would win a fight between the beautiful and the unsightly. Answer: I’ll give you two guesses.

10. Star Trek Into Darkness

Question: Who would win a fight between Wrath of Khan and JJ Abrams? Answer: KHHHHAAAAAAANNN

9. Star Trek Beyond

Question: Who would win a fight between Star Trek and the box office? Answer: Whoever currently owns Paramount? Who owns Paramount now?

8. Star Trek Generations

Question: Who would win in a fight between Kirk and God? Answer: Falling from some scaffolding.

7. Star Trek The Motion Picture

Question: Who would win a fight between Kirk and NASA? Answer: Stanley Kubrick

6. Star Trek III The Search for Spock

Question: Who would win in a fight between Kirk and being a father? Answer: Christopher Lloyd, Marty.

5. Star Trek VI The Undiscovered Country

Question: Who would win a fight between Kirk and the Cold War? Answer: The 1990s.

4. Star Trek (2009)

Question: Who would win a fight between Star Trek fans and fun? Answer: Star Wars.

3, Star Trek IV The Voyage Home

Question: Who would win a fight between Kirk and the very bad weather. Answer: A whale of a tale.

2, Star Trek First Contact

Question: Who would lose a fight Picard and Moby Dick? Answer: Your little ships.

1. Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan

Question: Who would win a fight between Kirk and Kahn. Answer: Not KHHHHHAAAANNNNN!

There you have it. No one understands this more deeply than I do, and my rankings shall not be questioned by you or anyone else.

As always, check your calendars before you boldly go where no man…where no one…has gone before.