Andor Characters, Ranked By Sadness

Top Ten Saddest Andor Characters

Despair. Dreadful knowing. Ominousness. Heartbrokenness. Moral compromise. Ghosts and screams. The characters of Andor are crestfallen. They’re desperate. They are having a tough time. Such is life under the wicked Empire as written by laugh riot Tony Gilroy and company.

So, let’s rank our favorite characters by how incredibly sad they are! It’ll be fun!

(This replaces my original plan of ranking Backs of Heads. There were just too many.)

10 B2EMO Let’s call this little droid less sad than devoted to someone who is constantly abandoning him. Like a dog whose owner is constantly traveling for work. He did get to play “you can’t kill us” with some kids in a field once, which is the closest he’s ever come to joy.

9 Vel Sartha Her girlfriend has stopped calling because she’s off doing murders. Vel’s smile muscles are broken.

8 Syril Karn A wet-eyed Imperial wannabe who lays face down on his bed when his mother calls him delicate. His version of love is being cooly adored by Dedra, who will soon kill all the Ghormans. But hey, at least someone likes him.

7 Leida Mothma Has clearly absorbed some of her father’s ennui, and can’t even have a good cry about marrying a stone-faced teenager without telling her mother to go get drunk. You know who definitely drinks? Leida’s therapist.

6 Tay Kolma Such a sad sack that even Luthen had to put him down. I mean, it’s a divorce. It happens, Tay. It happens. (Although we all see now why she left you.)

5 Perrin Fertha First of all, you would cry too if you had to wear that rope thing on your head. Second, I have never seen a character make a speech that called for embracing the pleasure in life with so much heaviness. You can just imagine him sipping wine and reassuring himself, whispering “It’s all right. It’s all right. It’s all right,” under his breath.

4 Cassian Andor Lost sister. Lost birth parents. Lost tribe. Lost adopted mother. Adopted father was hanged in the street. Lost Brasso. Will lose life. Clearly has read a few pages ahead in the script.

3 Mon Mothma Mon Mothma dances instead of screaming, we have been officially informed. She’s watched the Republic crumble, her arranged marriage is a massive bummer, her daughter is spoiled misery machine, and her one friend on the show gets assassinated because he said Rebellion in a crowded room. If she didn’t wind up as the leader of the Rebellion, she’d certainly wind up at the front of the line for free Lexapro samples.

2 Luthen Rael “What have you sacrificed? “Calm. Kindness. Kinship. Love. I've given up all chance at inner peace. I've made my mind a sunless space. I share my dreams with ghosts. I wake up every day to an equation I wrote 15 years ago from which there's only one conclusion, I'm damned for what I do. My anger, my ego, my unwillingness to yield, my eagerness to fight, they've set me on a path from which there is no escape. I yearned to be a savior against injustice without contemplating the cost and by the time I looked down there was no longer any ground beneath my feet. What is my sacrifice? I'm condemned to use the tools of my enemy to defeat them. I burn my decency for someone else's future. I burn my life to make a sunrise that I know I'll never see. And the ego that started this fight will never have a mirror or an audience or the light of gratitude. So what do I sacrifice? Everything!”

1 Bix Caleen Bix wakes up from a terrifying dream of being visited by her torturer. The torture that gave her PTSD? The calibrated screams of dying alien children. Less than two show-hours later, Bix is fending off the sexual assault of an Imperial Officer. She beats the attempted rapist to death. Last season, her betraying boyfriend, Timm, is shot in front of her, as he unsuccessfully tries to stop an jackbooted thug from knocking her head against the wall. Bix wins The Sadness, everyone. Here’s her little plaque in the shape of a tear. (I feel like she’s about to cure that sadness with explosives. We’ll revisit our rankings then!)